Slow down

I was visiting again with one of our nutritionists today and she drove home the point about slow weight loss.  Even my goal of hitting 240 by my 40th birthday would be too ambitious based upon her suggestion. According to her suggestion, I should get to about 270.  I have a hard time not setting ambitious goals, yet I also want to develop healthy habits for a lifetime. It is interesting to follow the Weight Watchers board, where people are routinely upset if they do not lose 3+ pounds in a given week. I have been that guy. I probably still am in some dark recess, but I pray that it changes.

In retrospect

I enjoy reading history, though sometimes I would prefer not to read my own. Today, I went back and read over this blog from today back to it's inception. It tells the tale of a man desperate to lose weight, but apparently not desperate enough.

In 2006, I was at the top of my game. I had lost over 165 pounds. I was running. I was lifting weights. I was finally finishing school after too many years. I was about to embark on a big boy job. I felt exceptional. I was in control.

Then we moved and I began to let things slide, just a little bit at first. I wrote it off to the new job. I saw the expensive dinners as a part of making connections. But my weight crept up. A little bit at a time until I reached the 240s. For a time, I came out of my pizza-induced stupor and got my weight back down to a fairly trim 212 in 2008.  I kept at it for a while, but again, life came at me.

We began to pursue adoption in earnest. Stressor #1. In the midst of that process, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stressor #2. Some dear friends of ours chose to leave our community of faith, and not on good terms.  Stressor #3.

Excuses all, but I gave in to those excuses.  I took the reins off. In 3 short years, I gained 90 pounds. I did what I vowed I would never do and got back over 300 pounds, even if just for a week. I look back now on my previous stop-gap of 225 with longing.

If I were to continue gaining 30 pounds a year, by 2014 I would be back to my previous high weight of 370. By 2020--well, it's unthinkable.

I wish food weren't a comfort. I wish God had gifted me with self-control.

I wish.

But it is time to stop wishing and time to start doing.

Three bills

Well, I almost weighed 3 bills at my doctors appointment today. 300 pounds. A perfect bowling game. In October 2008, I weighed 212 pounds. That means in 3 years, I have gained 88 pounds. Nearly 30 pounds a year, every year, for 3 years. There are numerous factors, I suppose--adoption, Heather's cancer, and a host of others. My tendency to stress eat has been made obvious. But why do I persist? Why have I lost hope in my ability to be successful?

It's interesting, several years ago, I said that I would never allow my weight to go back over 215 pounds. Either I suck at math, or I lost sight of that goal. I do need to stop now.

Don't Flail

Why is getting back on track so difficult?  When we moved 4 years ago, I weighed a trim 213.  I felt pretty good.  My weight slowly crept up, but with the onset of my wife's cancer, I ballooned up to over 280.  I know the mechanics of weight loss, though I lack something.  Is it motivation?  Is it will power?  Self-control?  I assume some combination of those things.  Someone on the WW board tonight gave the sage wisdom, "don't flail."  I feel like I am flailing, grasping at what little hope there is for weight loss.  I have gone back to some dear friends for guidance--perhaps to serve as my two floaties. 

Night on the town

On Saturday night, we had the pleasure of going to Minneapolis to attend the service at Bethlehem Baptist Church downtown. Afterward, we went with the Thuls to True Thai and I had Masaman Curry. The Better Choice was that I stopped about half way through. I couldn't believe it because it was literally the best Curry I've ever eaten.

5/24-Rough Day

I started the day well. I ate my standard oatmeal for breakfast, and an egg sandwich and a banana for dinner. I skipped Sundae Sunday at church, knowing that we were going to have to go to two parties today. At the first, I had a bunch of "cinnamon tortillas" which were really pretty amazing. At the second, I had some enchiladas, 2 tacos, and 3 pieces of cake. That was worse. Oh well. I am going to bike over to the video store now, hopefully to burn off some cals.

Recommittment

I was talking with a good friend of mine last night (yvralfredo) and he was asking what was keeping me from committing to get back on track with regard to weight loss. I don't know, but I am going to make a concerted effort over the next 3 months to see what sorts of changes I can make. I will talk about them here and post some occasional pics. Here is where I am starting from: 248.4 as of this morning. As you can see, it is much different than the person in the banner.

10 commandments of weight loss

1. Thou shalt eat actual meals-Society has been handed a bill of goods that we need to eat regularly throughout the day. If we actually ate fewer calories at meals, this may work, but most people who eat regularly throughout the day also eat normal size meals too.

2. Thou shalt get off thine posterior and move-Calorie restriction is an important variable in weight loss, but the most commonly cited variable in sustained weight loss was regular movement. You don't need to buy a membership to Gold's Gym, but throw on a pair of shoes and walk out your door. Walk to work; walk to the grocery store; just walk. Do a few pushups, situps, and squats regularly. Throw some dirt around in the back yard. Whatever gets you moving.

3. Thou shalt adopt a long term perspective-Don't quit when you only lose 2 pounds this week. You didn't gain it all in a week, you aren't going to lose it all in a week either. In fact, I would challenge you to drop your time goals and just focus on becoming a healthier person, not a lower number on the scale.

4. Thou shalt not live on overly processed diet foods, but also recognize that no food is inherently evil-Although they may seem easier, foods like Smart Ones, Lean Cuisine, and Snackwells are wholly unsatisfying and I suspect less healthy than the real foods that are found on the outside aisles of your store. If you can't pronounce the ingredients or if the list contains more than 5, choose something else.

5. Thou shalt not blame others, society, genetics or the media for your weight-You ate too much. I know, you are probably thinking "my metabolism is slower than all of my friends because that's how my family is." Perhaps it is, but you know what? That was the hand you were dealt. Deal with it. You get to eat less than someone else. You got fat because you ate more than your body needed. Rather than feeling bitter toward others, accept responsibility, do your job and eat less.

6. Thou shalt realize that you will not starve-Particularly if you live in the United States, you are not going to starve to death. If you have to wait a few hours until your next supersized order of curly fries, your family isn't going to find you dead in your recliner.

7. Thou shalt remember that life is about so much more than food-Food can be a joy. Indeed, I love to cook and I love the whole process of food. In fact, one might say that gourmet cooking is the only art form that engages all 5 senses. BUT, life is about more than food. Spend time with your family, read a book, meet your neighbors...turn off the TV.

8. Thou shalt seek the support of others-People often want to go it alone, particularly men. When they fail, there is no one to hold them accountable. There is also no one to help make it through the rough patches when you want to eat a side of beef. Also, if you go it alone and you do lose weight, but no one notices, you will be mad. As an additional thought here, learn to eat together with other people rather than on your way out of the Burger King parking lot.

9. Thou shalt remember that food is not an antidepressant, a pain reliever, or other medication-Food is fuel. It is not a band-aid, it doesn't fix the emotional issues going on in your life, and it can't heal all your hurts. It may make you feel better for a moment, but that feeling will pass. Learn to deal with your emotions--talk to someone (see the 8th commandment), go for a walk (2nd commandment) or pray.

10. Thou shalt Make the Better Choice-Life is full of them...choices that is. You can choose wisely or not. A single choice may not have a significant effect, but lots of them do. Become a person who chooses wisely, not foolishly.

Food Hangover

Yesterday was Easter. Breakfast was normal, but at church, they had donuts fresh out of the fat, which were awesome. At dinner, I made aligot, challah, and ham and a friend brought tenderloin stuffed with blue cheese. I clearly overdid it. I was left feeling completely wrung out this morning. Does anyone know the physiology behind a food hangover?

NoS-4/6

Monday is a NoS day. 3 meals--that's it.

Breakfast: Oatmeal, as always, my comfortable friend.
Lunch: Leftovers, which I ate joyfully, not bregrudgingly. A pork chop, an orange, and some mashed potatoes. I had to put some potatoes back because there were too many to fit on the plate--I guess that is the way of things. Alas, I am satisfied.
Dinner: 2 slices meatloaf, mashed potatoes, 1 glass skim milk. My lovely wife did up the meatloaf and the potatoes with the deceptively delicious way!

Morning weight: 252.2

The NoSdiet

A friend of mine at church told me was starting this No S diet. I had never heard of it, so I asked him to tell me about it. He told me that it was no seconds or sweets except on Saturdays and Sundays. That's partially true. According to the website, the diet can be summarized in these 14 words:

No Sweets.
No Snacks.
No Seconds.
Except (sometimes) on days that start with S.

S days are Saturdays, Sundays and Special occasions.

This has also been called the "grandma diet" because it is how grandma ate and is much more intuitive than many weight loss plans. I am going to apply the principles learned in Weight Watchers and with Making the Better Choice to this. Let's see how she goes!

*Interestingly, see my 11/13/08 post, which I wrote before ever hearing of NoS.

Beck Diet Solution-Day 1

The Beck Diet Solution is a program designed to deal with some of the thoughts and behavior that accompany weight loss. On the first day, the reader is charged with creating a list of reasons for wanting to lose weight. Here is my list:
1. God commands that I honor him with my body and live a self-controlled life.
2. I'll have fewer aches and pains.
3. I'll have more energy.
4. I'll feel more confident.
5. My clothes will fit better.
6. I'll feel in control.
7. I'll be less self-critical.
8. I'll be happier with how I look.
9. I will have a better "testimony" with regard to my weight.
10. I will have improved health.
11. I'll model health to my children.

What is your object of worship?

Phillipians 3:19--Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

Listening to Mark Driscoll today, I recognized that I have certainly had occasion (too often, I'm afraid) where my god was my stomach. I thought about food, I desired food, and I worshipped food, even if I didn't call it that. Perhaps my gluttony is an act of misplaced worship.

Observations from a binge

As a psychologist, my self-diagnosis is that I have a binge eating disorder.

According to the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, here are the criteria:

1) Eat much more quickly than usual during binge episodes.
2) Eat until they are uncomfortably full.
3) Eat large amounts of food even when they are not really hungry.
4) Eat alone because they are embarrassed about the amount of food they eat.
5) Feel disgusted, depressed, or guilty after overeating.

That's me to a "T".

I am at the end (I pray) of a 7 day binge beginning on my birthday. I gained 19.2 pounds in those 7 days. Here are some observations:

• When I am eating well, I eat 3 meals and perhaps 1 snack--when bingeing, I eat my 3 meals but also eat much more between meals.
• When I am eating well, I eat a balance of whole grains, lean protein, fruits, vegetables, etc.--when bingeing, I eat a very high fat/high carbohydrate diet.
• When I am bingeing, I feel "icky." I wake up feeling hung-over. I have headaches and a general feeling of sluggishness.
• Every day during a binge, I wake up thinking "I am done with this" and then I begin to think "well, one more day would be fun" and I start to think about how I can get my next fix.
• When bingeing, I back off on my exercise, though I didn't stop this time (Thank God!).
• I eat a lot in private when I am bingeing. I look for excuses to sneak out of the house and go eat. Needless to say, Halloween is not a great time to be having a binge.
• When bingeing, I think about not much else other than food. I become aroused by it.
• I don't have to pee as much (I assume because of water retention).
• I have to poop a lot more (I assume because of more gross consumption).

I have to keep remembering I Corinthians 6:12 and live it! "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.

Holiday weight gain.

The time between my birthday (10/25) and the New Year is traditionally the hardest for me in terms of my weight. CNN reported, "Some people may put on five to seven pounds through the fall and winter, thanks to a steady diet of large meals, sweets and the like. Yet the figures are much smaller for most Americans -- just more than a pound, on average, according to government surveys." I'm definitely in the five to seven (or more) pound group.

My goal this year is to maintain my birthday weight (213.6) through the holidays. Given that I have already gained about 15, means I have some work to do.

Rough Weekend

Saturday was my birthday, but the fireworks started on Friday. I made white chocolate-coconut scones for work for a birthday treat. I decided to eat one, with the intention of stopping there. My assistant was kind and brought me a cake though and I felt it would be rude to not eat any, so I ate a piece...and then another...and then another 1/2 scone. I could feel it eroding.

Saturday, I started out well, but I baked a lot. I ate some whole wheat crackers that I had made, which were probably acceptable, but the homemade pretzels were not. Later I ate a mash of coconut, chocolate chips, oatmeal, white chocolate chips and sugar. Definitely slipping. We had dinner at the Gerber's and I really went overboard. I felt physically pained by how much I ate.

Sunday was a complete loss. This had nothing to do with hunger and a lot to do with willing defiance and gluttony. In the past I would have just let this slip for a couple of weeks or months, though I intend to get back on track and start making better choice.

Doctor established weight goal

Okay, so there was a discussion elsewhere today about doctor established weight goals. I defend those and in fact, I have one. Mine is 215 pounds. Here I am at 212 pounds or 3 pounds below goal. Looking at the picture though, a couple of things become quickly evident.

1) At my current fitness level, 215 is not a good goal weight. I have a little paunch around the middle.

2) It is quite apparent that I have just resumed lifting weights as my body is nowhere close to where it was when I was lifting frequently.

I guess I keep exercising and eating healthy.

212.8!

In the summer of 2006, my weight hovered in the two-teens. We moved to Eau Claire that summer so that I could start my new job (and apparently get complacent). I weighed 213.8 when we moved and my weight quickly rose. This morning on the scale, I weighed 212.8. In other words, the lowest I've been in over 2 years.

What became of me

In early 2003, after losing 30 lbs. on my own, I joined Weight Watchers on 2/11/03. My starting weight was 337 lbs. As of July 16, 2005, I weighed 204lbs. for a total loss of 166 lbs. I haven't weighed this little since high school. My waist was 33 inches and I wear a medium size t-shirt. I fully embrace the Weight Watchers lifestyle and believe it is the only "weigh" to go with regard to weight loss. I have had some ups and downs since then, but I have continued the good fight.

These pics were taken in July 2005 when I was getting up to work out at 4:15 every morning. God allowed a pretty amazing transition.

Since that time, my weight has fluctuated, from as low as 198 to as high as 255, but in the past 4 years, I have maintained a loss of over 100 pounds.

In the beginning, there was a fat man.

(Originally posted on my other website)

I have been overweight most of my adult life. Although I was a skinny kid, I reached 220 pounds as a sophomore in high school. I joined Weight Watchers then school and promptly lost 40 lbs. Unfortunately, I didn't stick with it when I got to college. When I began college, I weighed 235 pounds; however, playing offensive line on the football team, my weight quickly balooned to 280 lbs., which is what I weighed when I met my wife Heather (and she loves me anyway). At the time I got married, I weighed approximately 350 lbs., and my weight fluctuated weekly since then.

In January, 2003, my weight reached an all time high. I weighed myself at the hospital where I worked and my best guess is that I weighed between 365 and 370 lbs. (the scale wouldn't go that high). My knees hurt constantly, I had a hard time breathing, and I was wearing 4XLT shirts and a size 52 inch waist. I knew I had to do something about my weight, so I visited with my doctor. He said to me, "perhaps it is time to consider gastric bypass surgery."

I took these pictures around that time to motivate me to move lose some weight.