Don't Flail

Why is getting back on track so difficult?  When we moved 4 years ago, I weighed a trim 213.  I felt pretty good.  My weight slowly crept up, but with the onset of my wife's cancer, I ballooned up to over 280.  I know the mechanics of weight loss, though I lack something.  Is it motivation?  Is it will power?  Self-control?  I assume some combination of those things.  Someone on the WW board tonight gave the sage wisdom, "don't flail."  I feel like I am flailing, grasping at what little hope there is for weight loss.  I have gone back to some dear friends for guidance--perhaps to serve as my two floaties.